Reflecting, making sense of nonsense....
Going through as many emotions as you see cars passing by on a highway. Or so it seems to be right now. I can't believe what happened in the last year. Looking back at my posts especially @ July 02, 2005. I remember that day like it happened last week or something. (Hahaha alcohol got nothing on my memory cells!) That day before that entry (July 1st, 2005) was the day I was told that my friend passed away from an work related accident, made me realize I have been taking a lot of things for granted.
A change started to happen, the way I am now I sorta of link it to that day. I'm more outspoken and less passive with a lot of situation now. Participating more into getting to know new people, and trying to maintain old and close friendships. With old friendships it's hard to just rely and reminisce on past memories all the time. Doing things together, going out and having a good time and actually talking about real shit is what keeps it stable. This is what matters to me! At the moment I can't talk to people who are passive, I need engaging conversation that simulates my mind, which gives off like I'm very cold to people who really don't have anything to say but only have small talk with me. I feel like I'm numb to small talk, probably I have ADHD but it's the truth. Give me the jokes/argument/debate because it gives me the feeling that I am alive. I hate small talk....that is for accquintances. Your my friend, tell about your life and I will share about mine, straight up. It takes two though to have a friendship. If it seems one sided and the other person is not participating then there's no substance. That's an accquintanceship LOL. Pretty much I'm totally like an asshole for telling people how to socialize with me and knowing by this post whether or not they are my friend LOL. At least I will know now.
I don't like using the word "friend" so lightly. When I say someone is my friend is when I can see chilling with this individual that have a quality I admire and want to be around me. Fuck that "cookie cutter" shit like Mr. Me Too. "Your filipino? I'm filipino too." That doesn't make you friends automatically...plz I know some people like that. That's posing friends! You having no friends bastard!
I'm posting this because this morning all I could think about was my friend who passed away a year ago. A great guy who I stopped contact with when he moved before we went high school. I remember the last time I saw him when I was in Grade 12. My friend and him came to my front door and I didn't recognize him and he was in front of me. Surely a mistake and one I don't want to make again. I totally feel bad for that moment but with that I have realized that I needed to change and be more involved just knowing a person truly is and not just like them for what they do or have. Knowing the little things I do can count for something big later on. (It's like getting those tickets playing Chuck E Cheese games then cashing them for a prize like a mini basketball hoop that gets dunked on for the first time only to break after 10 mins of usage. Yeah.....it was my other friend named Anony Mous....who did that. ummmm.... I know what a loser eh! LOL)
...Anyways lately I've been told that I still give up that imtimidating look, (HAH!) and it's in the way of totally getting to know people. What can I say about that? That's my look. To give another look will go to the point where it will be fake. Fuck that shit. That's more insulting to me and the person I'll be being "fake" with. I ain't a paid actor, so I ain't gonna act like one. That is why I typed this "HOW TO" guide for socializing with me. If you wanna be my friend then read this. If you don't, then get the fuck out, don't visit my blog ever again, seriously this is for "FRIENDS OF JAYNESS CLUB" ONLY.
A change started to happen, the way I am now I sorta of link it to that day. I'm more outspoken and less passive with a lot of situation now. Participating more into getting to know new people, and trying to maintain old and close friendships. With old friendships it's hard to just rely and reminisce on past memories all the time. Doing things together, going out and having a good time and actually talking about real shit is what keeps it stable. This is what matters to me! At the moment I can't talk to people who are passive, I need engaging conversation that simulates my mind, which gives off like I'm very cold to people who really don't have anything to say but only have small talk with me. I feel like I'm numb to small talk, probably I have ADHD but it's the truth. Give me the jokes/argument/debate because it gives me the feeling that I am alive. I hate small talk....that is for accquintances. Your my friend, tell about your life and I will share about mine, straight up. It takes two though to have a friendship. If it seems one sided and the other person is not participating then there's no substance. That's an accquintanceship LOL. Pretty much I'm totally like an asshole for telling people how to socialize with me and knowing by this post whether or not they are my friend LOL. At least I will know now.
I don't like using the word "friend" so lightly. When I say someone is my friend is when I can see chilling with this individual that have a quality I admire and want to be around me. Fuck that "cookie cutter" shit like Mr. Me Too. "Your filipino? I'm filipino too." That doesn't make you friends automatically...plz I know some people like that. That's posing friends! You having no friends bastard!
I'm posting this because this morning all I could think about was my friend who passed away a year ago. A great guy who I stopped contact with when he moved before we went high school. I remember the last time I saw him when I was in Grade 12. My friend and him came to my front door and I didn't recognize him and he was in front of me. Surely a mistake and one I don't want to make again. I totally feel bad for that moment but with that I have realized that I needed to change and be more involved just knowing a person truly is and not just like them for what they do or have. Knowing the little things I do can count for something big later on. (It's like getting those tickets playing Chuck E Cheese games then cashing them for a prize like a mini basketball hoop that gets dunked on for the first time only to break after 10 mins of usage. Yeah.....it was my other friend named Anony Mous....who did that. ummmm.... I know what a loser eh! LOL)
...Anyways lately I've been told that I still give up that imtimidating look, (HAH!) and it's in the way of totally getting to know people. What can I say about that? That's my look. To give another look will go to the point where it will be fake. Fuck that shit. That's more insulting to me and the person I'll be being "fake" with. I ain't a paid actor, so I ain't gonna act like one. That is why I typed this "HOW TO" guide for socializing with me. If you wanna be my friend then read this. If you don't, then get the fuck out, don't visit my blog ever again, seriously this is for "FRIENDS OF JAYNESS CLUB" ONLY.
This entry was posted by jayblazin', on
Sunday, July 02, 2006.
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